Cullens on Reality TV
by Sister Collab
Summary: Twilight/Wife Swap.  Alice has a vision of a certain family going on a TV show.  OOC.  Crack-fic.  Trying to stay as close to a cannon as possible, but you can't really with a crack-fic.  Rated T, but kids could read this, too.
1. Aro is a shopaholic

**Beginning Author's Note: Hey. This is my sister and my first collab, for anything, in our lives. So, go easy. **

**At the Volturi's Castle:**

_Aro's POV_

I was looking through a catalog and I saw a bunny suit. Yes! This is just what Marcus needs! Cheering up!

_Cauis's POV_

Aro ordered a bunny suit. Let's hope it's not for me. _

_Aro's POV_

Ooooh! A popcorn machine! Yummy! Carpeting! Season tickets to Six Flags! Whatever that is... I hope it involves marshmallows. Let's get it! A high def TV! And my own personal zoo! Yay!

_Jane's POV_

Aro's become a shopaholic. *sigh*

**It will get more interesting... And I'm loaded with ideas. Sorry if they're too OOC; It's gonna be like that the whole time.**


	2. Alice's Vision

_Alice's POV_

I was watching the Volturi's decisions. It was only a week after our encounter because of Nessie **(A/N: I personally don't like the nickname, but Alice does, so... yeah.) **and our family still wanted to be sure. I was seeing weird things last week. Aro forcing Cauis into a bunny suit, Aro eating marshmallows, Aro watching TV in an elevator... Oooh... I'm getting a vision!

***Vision***

_Aro walked to Ginna, pushed her out of the chair, and dialed a number._

***End Vision***

Well, that was pointless.

_Edward's POV_

Ugh! Jacob's being a nut-head, Alice is getting random, meaningless visions, and Emmett's now obsessed with the Gators. Oh-no, Alice is getting another vision... focus on someone else, Edward, focus on someone else.

_Alice's POV_

I just had another vision! This one's good! Aro signed his family up for a TV show called "Wife Swap". *evil grin*


	3. Um, why do you have a zoo in here?

_Aro's POV_

My stuff came in! Oh, joy! I unpacked my items. I had two bunny suits... I got them in pink. I had a carpet set. I'll make Ginna put it in. Here's my popcorn machine! It goes in the feeding room! And my Six Flags tickets... What? Maybe they're the newest decor. My TV...! I'll mount it in the elevator. A personal zoo! It's an assemble-it-yourself kit! I can do it all by myself! Horrah! I'll put the zoo in the feeding room, as well.

_Cauis's POV_

Aro thought it was a brilliant idea to put all of his junk in the feeding room... So... now what?

_Jane's POV_

_..._

_Alec's POV_


	4. I like to move it, move it

_Aro's POV_

"A little to the left," I told the people who were mounting the TV to the wall.

They moved it to the left. "No!" I exclaimed. "That was too far over!" I said while stamping my foot. "A _little _bit to the right."

They moved it a _little _bit to the right. "That wasn't far enough!"

"Listen," the mover dude said. "sir. I can assure you. I had 4 years of practice. This television is perfectly centered."

"Yeah," I shot back. "But I had 1500 years of practice, so... BEAT THAT!"

The two mover dudes looked at each other.

"Listen," I began. "I don't care who you think you are but I'm the customer and so I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! And another thing..."

Four Hours Later

"and that's why I'm right, and you're wrong!"

"O...kay?" the man said.

"So," I said. "Either do it my way or get out!"

"Oh, good. Lunch break!"

"What?" I asked in confusion.

They set down the TV and left. I guess I'll have to do this myself. "FELIX, DEMETRI! GET IN HERE!"


	5. And so it begins

_Aro's POV_

So, I finally installed the TV all by myself (with slight help from Felix and Demetri). I turned it on to be sure it worked. Ooooh! Pretty colors! Yo Gabba Gabba is my favorite news show. One channel up. They had a show. It was so funny! We're funnier than that! I'm going on this show! I stomped out of the elevator. *looks around and doesn't recognize anything* As soon as I get on level -4!

_Ginna's POV_

Aro walked over and shouted "Well, ex-_CUUUUUU_SE me!"

"What?"

He pushed me out of my chair and took my phone. He dialed something I couldn't see. "Hello... Aro... What's the name of the show again?... Wife Swap? That sounds so funny! HAHAHAHAHAI'm funnier... OK, I WILL!"

He hung up. "Humph," He said. "People these days."


	6. I'm ready to be a star!

_Alice's POV_

Yay! The bell rang for the door! AKA: The doorbell rang! "I'll get it!" I shouted. I flitted downstairs and swung it open. "I'm ready to be a star!" I yelled.

"Um," a guy in purple and holding a paper bag murmured. "Tacos are here."

"Alright," I shouted into the house. "Who ordered tacos?... We don't even eat!"

"That was me!" Emmett said in his booming voice, hurrying down the stair case. "Yummy! Tacos!"

"That'll be twenty-two fifty," the man said like he see's this everyday.

"Thanks, Bob," Emmett said casually.

"No problem, Em," Bob replied.

"Okay. Bye, Bob!" I said.


	7. SCORE!

_Emmett's POV_

Bob just left and I was eating my tacos. Oh, Bob's so nice. He gives me tacos half price. I'm busy watching the Gators game with my favorite niece. AKA: My only niece. AKA: Nessie. The bell rang. "I'll get it!" Alice shouted. She ran past Nessie and me and flung open the door. "I'm ready to be a star!" she yelled. "Um, hello?" she asked a few seconds later.

I looked over at Alice. "Rose," I called up the stair way. "Your package is here."

"Kay," she said. "Be down in a second."

"SCORE!" Nessie shouted.

"What?" I demanded, swiveling around in my chair. "How did I miss that?" I checked the score. "Ness, you're supposed to cheer for the Gators, not the other team. We're the FL one."

Rose came down the stairs. "And now for some messages," the announcer... well, announced. The Old Spice commercial came on.

"Look at your man, now back at me, back at your man, now back at me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he switched to Old Spice rather than lady scented body washes, he could smell like me. Look down, back up. Where are you? You're on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What's in you're hand? I have two tickets to that thing you like. Now look, the tickets are now diamonds! Anything is possible with the fragrance of Old Spice. I'm on a horse."

"I love that commercial," Alice said.

"It never gets old," Rosalie added.

"Yeah," Nessie put in. "It's funny.

Rose went over and opened her package with her finger nail while the next commercial went on. "It's my new dress!"

"Cool," I said. "I've always like violet on you."

She smiled.

The bell rang.

"This has to be it!" Alice yelled. She opened the door and...


	8. Dun Dun DUUUUUNNNN!

_Rosalie's POV_

The doorbell rang and Alice shouted "I'll... Oh, never mind." She opened the door.

Behind the door was a man who walked in without hesitation and said, "Congratulations! We have chosen you and you're family to be on our TV show!"

Alice squealed happily.

"What?" Emmett and I asked in unison.

"How did he get here?" I asked.

"And do you know about this?" Emmett added.

"Yup."

"You didn't answer _me_." I pointed out.

"I called him." she replied rolling her eyes as if it were obvious.

"What show is he from?"

"I dunno? Wife Swap?" she asked him.

"Yes," the man answered.

"Then, Wife Swap. It's a show where two families switch mothers for a week. The new 'mothers' can make as many adjustments as she likes."

"And what family did we get paired with?" Ness asked, speaking for the first time.

"Oh, that's the good part," Alice said with a huge grin. "We got paired with... THE VOLTURI!"

* * *

**A/n: Dun Dun DUUUNNNNNN! Nah, you guys already knew. But in all seriousness, I'm not so sure how to do the Cullen side of Wife Swap with Sulpicia. Sulpicia and Cullens. Volturi and Esme. Weird mix, eh? Ideas? If you could think of anything, submit a review, I'll find a way to put it in the story, and I'll give credit.**


	9. Not Interested In Candy Link

**This one's from Jasper's POV, cuz he's the only Cullen kid I didn't do yet. Thank you all for being so supportive! xoxo**

_Jasper's POV_

"Wait... What happened?" Esme asked.

"I signed us up for a TV show where two families wives switch places for a week," Alice said neutrally.

"Why?" I asked. She's gone insane! She does know now Esme has to go for a week to a family we don't even know. And she know's how I struggle with blood! I mean, we'll have some human woman around our house for one whole week. Plus, we're on TV. She could expose us all.

"Cuz," she said, shrugging. "It looked like fun."

"How could that be fun?" Edward asked, stealing the words right out of my mouth. Maybe he read my mind...

"We got paired with a family... So awesome!" she squealed.

"Who?" Emmett asked, excited.

"You already know who," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh... YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!"

"Who?" some people asked.

"THE VOLTURI!"

_Oh, well that's better. _I thought.

"So... Sulpicia and I have to switch for a week?" Esme asked.

"Uh..." Alice rocked back on her heels. "I guess I didn't think this one through."

**Sorry this wasn't funny... My life is messed up right now... NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE FUNNY! In the mean time- Go here: .com/site/not2interested2in2candy**


	10. Gimme Tacoz!

_Aro's POV_

I called everyone over. I just got a phone call from Wife Swap, so I'm going to tell everyone about it now. "Hey," I shouted. "Guys get in here!"

"We're right here you idiot!" Cauis politely pointed out.

"Oh," That's right, I already called them. "So, anyway I signed us up for a reality TV show that was so funny that I found!"

"Why?" Jane asked. I think she was jealous. (Read my friend Yellow911's story "Aro's World A Bomb In Nation to really get most of these jokes.)

"Cuz. And guess what, Marcus!"

"What?" I imagined Marcus saying.

"We got paired with our beloved friends the Cullens!"

"What do you mean 'paired with'?" Alec asked, but I imagined it was Marcus.

"It's a show where two families switch lives!"

"What? We have to switch lives with the Cullens? That's not funny at all!" Jane yelled at me.

"No, that's not funny. I meant wives not lives," I explained.

"So... Sulpicia and Esme switch? For how long?" Alec asked. I've always liked that boy. He's the only one sane here.

"Bye!" Cauis said, walking out the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked excitedly. "Pick me up some tacoz!"

"I'm gonna get tacos!"

"Then where are you going?"

"Cuba!"

"Oh."

"Wait! You can't leave! You're part of this family, too!"

So Cauis stayed.


	11. The Almighty Apange!

**A/N: I listened to Abracadabra by Brown Eyed Girls while writing this, so... just thought I'd mention that it wasn't quiet, and the music may affect the mood. With that said, I will begin.**

_Esme's POV_

So. I'm in Volterra thanks to Alice. This whole thing bugs me. I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I could just stay home where I can stay with my family. Especially Carlisle. I feel sorry for them, really. They have to endure through a week with Sulpicia. Okay, actually I feel sorry for my husband. I really don't think my family will miss me a whole lot.

I just made it to the castle thing. Still deciding whether or not to feel sorry for myself. I opened the door. Aro was there.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen!" he said, jumping up and down. "Check out this bunny suit!" Yep. I feel sorry for myself.

"Um," I said uncomfortably. "Aro, I don't want the bunny suit."

"It's not for you, silly!"

"Oh?"

"It's for Cauis. The other one's for Marcus."

"I really think they'll want the bunny suits, Aro."

"Why not?" he said. He began to sob. Oh, no.

"Um, I don't think they can take the awesomeness."

"Oh, well, that makes sense."

_Of course it does, Aro. _ I thought while smiling at him.

"Well, come on in!"

"Oh, okay."

I stepped inside. I've never been to Volterra. Actually, I've never been outside of America. This was a whole new thing for me. I took in the beautiful architecture. Everything was so fascinating.

"So, you like my house?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, it's very nice."

"Cool."

He gave me the grand tour. It was almost tiring despite the fact vampires don't get tired.

"And this is what happens if you cross an apple with an orange," he explained while showing me the apange. This was one of those times I wished I could go to sleep. **(A/N: A version of the first line from Midnight Sun)**

This was a pretty unfair trade. I'm sure Aro doesn't even miss Sulpicia, but Carlisle must be sick with worry for _me._ I felt terrible about this whole thing.

**A/N: You have noticed and you may have not, but I've been stalling to get to the main part. I'm not sure how to do the whole thing. Sorry. And I realize that some people may not even know what Wife Swap is, but you're still reading this. Please, watch at least one episode. You may not get some parts of the story if you don't. And if you watch Wife Swap regularly, they'll have some jokes from things in past shows.**


	12. Anne

_Nobody's POV_

"Alice," Jasper began. He and Alice were alone in their room doing random things. "That was... stupid."

"Yeah. I know."

"Then why did you sign us up for a TV show, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Errrmmm... It looked cool?"

Yeah, Alice. Awesum.

**A/N: My best friend Anne said "Awesum" about this story. Go her! My sis says it's for her... so I call it Anne.**


	13. Mutant Fire Breathing Insect Comes 4 Tea

**A/N: We'll be spending a lot of time with the Volturi in the next couple chapters because I have a few ideas. Bear with me if you'd like the see the Cullens instead.**

_Esme's POV_

"Mrs. Cullen-"

"You can call me Esme, Aro," I corrected, cutting him off.

"Oh, right... So, can I invite a friend over?"

"You are a grown man and you can do what you'd like."

"But Sulpicia told me that wives are the superior minds?"

"What? Why would she say that?"

Then it dawned on me and I felt sorry for him.

"Oh. Aro, of course you may invite someone over."

"YAY!"

"Who is coming over, just so I know?" I doubted my decisions. It could maybe be a human... or not even a person to begin with... like some mutant fire breathing giant insect, for instance.

"Oh! The Romanians, of course."

"Aro, I don't think they like you that much."

He paused for a moment. The responded with: "Naw, we're friends." I eyed him doubtfully. "Mrs. Cul- I mean Esme... heh heh... I can assure you... I'm popular. I'm friends with everyone."

"Really?" Maybe he is popular. I mean, he's Aro.

"Why do you think I say 'my friend' after every other sentence I say? Derrrrr..."

Oh.

So he invited the Romanians. Which is not as bad as some mutant fire breathing insect, I guess.


	14. King Me!

_Vladimir's POV_

Aro invited me to tea. I told him went I got there that we, as vampires, don't drink tea. He then said: "Then what am I supposed to do with all this tea and scones?" Then, I was all: "Scones? Wha?" And was like: "Too much? Hmmm... I have enough tea to feed half of Italy..." And then I was like: "Well, that wasn't too bright."

So, then he invited me to play chess, instead. So, here I am.

"King me," I said lazily.

"Never!" Aro shouted, huddling protectively over the board. "You shall never over throw my kingdom! I rule! You don't dare to do as much as to HARM my kingdom! Or will pay with your life like that dude in the beginning of New Moon did when I ripped his head off with a creepy smile!"

"**We mean no harm to your kingdom, nut-head**!" Stephan polity told him.

"Oh."

"King me... in the game," I added when he opened his mouth.

I left after two more hours of that.


	15. Nobody

_Esme's POV_

"What do you think about this necklace?" I asked, walking into the room where everyone normally is.

"Cool." Jane said to make me go away without looking up.

I shot her an impatient look.

"It looks fine," Alec assured me with a smile. He's nice.

I smiled back.

"Why don't you ask nobody?" Aro suggested.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nobody," he said like it was obvious, nodding towards Marcus.

"Aro, that's rude! How dare you call your brother in law 'nobody'!"

"Oh... No, that's his middle name."

"Ha, ha."

"No, really! You can wikipedia it!"

"I doubt Marcus is on the wikipedia, Aro."

"No! He is! Look!" He lead me to Gianna, paused, pushed her out of her chair, and typed "Marcus" in on Google.

Sure enough, Marcus came up. Aro clicked the "edit" button for the name part and typed "Nobody" clicked "Save" and said: "See! What did I tell you?"

"Oh," I said sarcastically. "Yes, I understand now, O Great One."

"Naw, you can call me master... It sounds less formal."


	16. How screwed up the Cullens really are

_Sulpicia's POV_

My retarded husband (mate, really, I don't like that kind of commitment) signed me up for some dumb thing where I go to another person's house to make their lives better or something stupid like that. Anyway, it turns out to be the Cullens who can use my help the most since they're so screwed up. I have problems with all of them, really.

Carlisle- too nice (it's freaky)

Rosalie- too obnoxious

Emmett- too loud

Jasper- too tense (just kill the person, idiot)

Alice- too happy

Edward- poser

Bella- too whiny

And then I could just go on and on...

* * *

**A/N: This is so not _my _opinion! Just a little sneak peek to the rest. I've always seen Aro and Sulpicia as polar opposites, but she could be a charming person... This is my version! ^_^**


	17. Quick Author's Note

**Hi! You guys have been nothing but nice to us when we started and we all watched as this story developed before our own eyes. We want to take this time to thank you guys for being such an amazing audience.**

**You guys have been very responsive to this, even though we aren't great. That's our message we're sending out to all you young writers who like Twilight. You have a way! People will appreciate you're work! Especially if it's a crack fic because no one expects great grammar or fabulously formed plots! Anything could happen! I could have Emmett win the lottery and polar bears attack his car and my audience will still except it! (Hmmm... Seems familiar) **

**Just be sure to remember that if you want to write, but are afraid to, you can find your place here on fanfiction!**

**Anyway, we just wanted to say our thanks before will carry on with this story. And because I'm kinda having writers block and this is my way of saying I'm still alive. Anyway, bye!**


	18. Why Aro Has Misty Eyes

**A/N: Hey! You know who the Volturi have misty eyes? Well, I'm not sure if they say why, but here's my theory! Here we go!**

_Nobody in particular's POV, but we're with the Cullens in this chapter._

The Cullens wanted to call the Volturi home (er... Castle) to check up on things. You know how things get with the Volturi. Okay, well, Aro and Cauis.

Anyway, they got done speaking with Esme who said that she was acting more like a babysitter and they where talking to Aro. He begged to speak with them and then commanded for the Cullens to put him on speaker phone.

"Oh," he said. "That's a brilliant question little one!" Renesmee had just asked about their eyes, being the curious mind she is.

"Well," he began. "A long time ago when we overthrew the Romanians-"

Carlisle cut him off. "Aro, you shouldn't confuse Renesmee with you're stories." He knew that Aro always made up what he thought _should _have happened.

"Carlisle, my dear friend! I haven't the slightest idea what you may possibly mean!"

"Oh, yes you do."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh"

"Nuh-huh!"

The rest of the Cullens stayed politely quiet during the exchange, but Sulpicia rolled her eyes.

"Okay! Well, anyway, young one. So, I went to go and do my cool overthrow thingey all by myself. Because I rock. And anyway, when I got there... I suppose I'm just too awesome and the Romanians couldn't take it. Their eyes burst into flames because, well, I guess their young minds couldn't process the awesome-ality. I stood, horrified at such a thing! I prayed to the god of eyes bursting into flames because of awesome-ality and he said that there was nothing he could do. I responded by saying 'Surely, there must be something I can do! Perhaps I could switch eyes!' The god of eyes said he could do that and promptly switched eyes. But, because of my good deed he just gave me misty eyes. Everyone else in my guard's eyes just became misty because, well, their eyes are more trained then the poor Romanians and their eyes just got misty from the sight of me. I hope that helps, young Renesmee!"

Yup. That helps a lot.


	19. I apoligize

**Hi**

**Thanks yet again.**

**You really cannot imagine how many people sub to this story.**

**I really thought this story would not get a lot of people that actually enjoy it.**

**Just know that I feel terrible for abandoning this story for two weeks and that the **

**previous chapter I posted just a few minutes ago was to show you I'm still alive and not going anywhere.**

**I have plenty ideas that keep popping into my mind, but isn't worthy of a chapter or I'm incapable of converting**

**into a chapter. Anyway, school has started two weeks ago and I have been totally submerged in tests and homework**

**and projects. Forgive me. I plan on staying with this story for years. I may just add a chapter once a week or so because **

**of school, but I'm planning on starting another story soon, and still keeping up this one. So, thank you, thank you, thank you! :)**


	20. So Sorry!

**VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE! MUST READ!**

**Author's Note: Yo. It's been too long. I've been unbelievably worried about this. I kept wondering if I could remember to update. Which is why this has to be the last real chapter. The next one will be the reunitment thing and then the Epilogue. This was really fun during the summer, but it's too much. Yes, I'm very sad for this to be it. Please, I hope you enjoy the last few chapters and this has not disappointed with it. I'm gonna type this up fast because my father's watching the Saints game and he gets too enthusiastic. It's busting my eardrums.**

_Cauis's POV_

Esme was keeping us from feeding because she believes it's a crime against humanity to eat humans and it's driving me insane. Sure, I try to be understanding, but it's been forever since I last fed. I have to get to the feeding room!

I snuck out of her view while she was explaining to Aro why the Easter Bunny doesn't visit us.

Finally! I threw myself into the room.

Dern it!

I have forgotten Aro put a zoo in here! Popcorn machine and all.

Oooh! What's that cute little thing hiding in the corner? Isn't it the most adorable thing? Aww!

I ran to the puppy. It was a little black lab that was just slightly bigger than my hand. It's sooooo cute!

I shall name him Sparkles and he shall be mine.

_Carlisle's Pov_

Sulpicia was keeping us from feeding because she believes it's a crime against humanity to eat animals and it's driving me insane. Sure, I try to be understanding, but it's been forever since I last fed. I paced the room as waited for the people from Wife Swap to tell me we can go back to our normal lives.

The bell rang.

Alleluia! We are saved!

I shouted that I'll get the door.

"Hello, thank you so much I'm so ready to g- oh..."

It was a guy in a purple outfit.

"Ermm..."

The guy said, "Um, tacos are here."

"Alright," I shouted into the house. "Who ordered tacos?... We don't even eat!"

"That was me!" Emmett said in his booming voice, hurrying down the stair case. "Yummy! Tacos!"

"That'll be twenty-two fifty," the man said like he see's this everyday.

"Thanks, Bob," Emmett said casually.

"No problem, Em," Bob replied.

"Um, Emmett..." I said. "Why do you-"

"It's okay Carlisle, I kno-"

Bob said: "Wait? Did you say Carlisle? What kind of a name is that? Ha Ha Ha...!" he kept laughing.

"Bob!" Emmett scolded. Emmett's scolding? That's a twist. "Don't mock him! This is coming out of his paycheck!" he added that last part in a whisper.

"Oh, sure Em." he looked back at me. "Woah! Your eyes! You could be a... vampire." he chuckled.

I stared at him. "You think I'm a vampire?"

"Yeah, but then again... I watch a _lot _of True Blood."

"What's True Blo- You know what... forget it." I'm so out of it.

"Wow. Your old man doesn't know what True Blood is? And his name is Carlisle? That's so weird."

"Okay," I said, shutting the door. "Bye, Bob!"

_Aro's POV_

"...and that's precisely why the Easter Bunny doesn't visit you in Volterra." Esme concluded.

"Ah, I understand, Esme!"

"You do?"

"Yup! Glee should be coming on in two minutes."

"What? What's Gl- You know what... forget it."

"Let's go! Follow me to the magical picture box!"

"What? You mean a TV?"

Errmmmm... I wasn't quite sure. Change the subject! Change the subject!

"So... have you read Nightlight?"

"Yeah! That's something I really like! Parodies! Though, I'm not quite sure what its a parody for yet."

"I know! It's a parody of my old 'F' encyclopedia."

"I know for a fact it has nothing do to with your 'F' encyclopedia."

Errmmmm... I wasn't quite sure. Change the subject! Change the subject!

"Glee time!"

_Jane's POV_

I was getting sick. I need blood! I don't care what Esme has to say about it! This is terrible. Aro is normally the Head of The House and we just do what we want.

I made a run for the feeding room. I must get blood! Aro and Esme are watching Glee, so I can just make a run for the feeding room.

I burst through the doors.

Oh! Nooooo!

I forgot that Aro put his junk in here!

I screamed.

"Ahh!" someone shrieked.

"Who's there?"

"Um, no one!"

I did the cool pain thingy.

The person screamed for a bit and I inwardly chucked.

"Okay, it's Cauis!"

"Good!"

I ran over to him. Cauis and I make a good team. I ran to him.

"Cauis!"

But, to my great horror, he had an _animal _in his lap!

He grinned guiltily. "Jane, meet Sparkles."

I screamed... again.


	21. Lean like a Cholo

**Author's Note: Finally! The much awaited reunitement thing!**

_Aro's POV_

"Hey, Esme!"

"Hi, Aro."

"I wanted to know what a cholo is."

"Well, use the dictionary."

I stared at her.

"Okay... google it?"

That's better! "Okay."

I ran to Ginna's desk. I paused. "You know what to do." I said as if she were stupid.

"Right..." she mumbled. She threw herself out of her chair.

"Isn't that better?"

"Not really."

I shrugged and typed up "cholpo". Google asked "did you mean: cholo" I said yes.

I clicked on what the very reliable Wikipedia had to say about it.

"Esme!" I screamed.

"Huh?"

"Too many words!"

"Oh, okay... I'm coming." Maybe it was just my imagination, but she sounded tired. I thought about it. Naw, it's my imagination.

She came in.

After a bit of reading she said "Basically, it's a Mexican gangster."

"Oh... Cool!" Suddenly I got jealous. How dare cholos! "I shall exterminate all cholos!"

"Aro! Don't do that! That's just-"

"Yeah, you're right. Instead, I shall BECOME a cholo, myself."

"Aro... you're Italian."

Oh.

_Nobody's POV, just as if you were watching Wife Swap_

"And after one whole week," the reporter said,"the couples reunite."

Esme and Carlisle immediately ran up to each other and hugged.

Sulpicia and Aro walked up to eachother. "'Sup?" Sulpicia asked.

"Not much." Aro said shrugging.

"Cool." they looked away, nodding.

***In the room where they talk about how jacked up the other family is.***

"Esme gave me lollipops and read me bedtime stories and gave me piggy back rides!" Aro pipped up.

Carlisle looked at her, then at Aro, then at her. "What?"

"He lies." Esme hissed.

"Are you alright?"

"Not really... just insanity... Woah! You're eyes!"

"They kept me from feeding."

"Okay!" Sulpicia screamed. "We get it, you missed each other... It was CRAZY at your house! Emmett was just the most annoying person with his TACOS AND-"

"Sulpicia! That reminds me!" Aro yelped. "I'm now a cholo!"

Esme said, "I told you already! You can't be a cholo if you're Italian!" at the same time that Sulpicia said "How does tacos remind you about a cholo?"

"A cholo, my dear Sulpicia, is Mexican. So is a taco."

"That's probably the smartest thing you've ever said." Sulpicia mumbled.

"Can we just leave so we can just go back to our normal lives?" Esme asked desperately.

"On Wife Swap, you can't go back to your normal lives." Sulpicia said, importantly.

"What? Where'd you get that from?"

"The rule book."

"WHAT? YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME!"

"If you read the rule book, you would know."

"This is going to be terrible."


	22. Epilogue

**Alright, here's the Epilogue I promised you all however many months ago. I've neglected this story, but I finally came back. It's been bugging me and though we have some cool ideas for other stories, we had to stick to our word and finish this. One things for sure: from now on, it's one shots. Haha. Sorry about all that wait, I won't do it again, I promise. It's just that I've mved on from Twilight. I think I grew up. But, I need to finish this. ^_^ Oh, and FIY, the character change in Bob was one I just immediately thought of. I'm a huge yaoi fan. ^^ **

_Bob's POV_

I went to Emmett's house again. No one knows this, but I secretly think he's hot. I get really excited every time he orders tacos. He even _asks_ specifically for_ me._ Maybe he likes me, too. I thought about this while I drove to his house. His house is really cool, too. I climbed the stairs and knocked on the door.

"I'll get it! It's tacos," I heard Emmett shout.

I heard a female, who sounded annoyed, "We all know how you _love _getting tacos."

He loves getting tacos! Does that mean he likes me, too?

I heard a chuckle and then, "No, Em, I'll get the door, you stay." It wasn't the female who spoke, it was some other guy.

"Oh, okay. Thanks, Edward." He sounded relieved. Wait, does that mean he doesn't order the tacos just for me? Maybe he's crazy about our tacos.

The door opened. There was a _very _amused redhead, and then in the background some blonde and Emmett sitting on the couch. Emmett had his arm wrapped around her. I got a bit sad.

"I'll take the tacos," the redhead said patiently.

"Um, sure," I said, handing him them. "Who's that?" I blurted out.

He looked back at the cuddling Emmett and blonde chick. "Rosalie..."

The blonde-Rosalie-looked up. "Yes, Edward?"

"Nothing, I was just telling Bob who you were."

"H-how do you know my name?" I asked. It was like he knew all about me. As if he could read my mind.

The redhe-_Edward _said "Your nametag?" as if there was some problem with me.

Oh. "Well, bye!" I said, feeling embarressed.

_Emmett's POV_

_"_What was that all about?"

"He likes you, idiot."

What? Gross.

"Emmett..." Edward said.

"Well, come to think of it, I did sort of know... I mean he watches True Blood for god's sake!"

_Esme's POV_

So, now we have to feed off of human blood? This is TERRIBLE! I never voluntarily killed a person before, and I don't want to start now. I'm sure there's some loophole.

_Cauis's POV_

I can't take it! I just give up! I'm feeding off of Ginna RIGHT now.

_Marcus's Pov_

_Aro's POV_

Joy! That was funny!

"Group meeting!"

Everyone huddled up in the place where we have meatings... I mean meetings.

"Wasn't that hilarious?"

" " Marcus said.

"Haha! You are da bomb, Marcus!"

Some people looked at each other. Jealous.

"Speaking of bombs, we should most probably bomb some place like Mars because I'm pretty sure those Marsians are out to get us."

" " agreed Marcus.

"Who else thinks we should invest all of our non-existent money into bombing Mars?"

I imagined all of them to raise their hands instead of throwing their shous at me. Alice Nine.

"I for one thinks that was a great experience for all of us because we all bonded and things." I piped in.

" . ! , . ' ' ! ? ! ," Marcus added helpfully.


End file.
